2019 Recap and Realizations

I have not posted much as you may have noticed. For 2019 alone, I only posted 14 blog entries the entire year - that is the lowest I have ever posted and that has to change.

In one word 2019 was stressful.

1. I felt the year allowed me to introspect and finally deal with feelings and thoughts I keep ignoring for the rest of my waking life.

2. I decided to seek medical help for my anhedonia and finally took the leap and took drugs to help alleviate all the heaviness I feel. At some point in the year, I had to stop taking meds and stop going to the doctor as I could not afford seeking medication and balancing all of the house bills.

3. I had to move to a new place as my landlord wanted me out. I have no qualms moving places but finding a new place in a short amount of time was not a walk in the park. I finally found a place and moved in. It is still a work in progress but I love where I live now. I get ample sunlight, cold breeze and tons of dogs around the compound.

4. I struggled at work - I always have this feeling that I needed to flee. That there is always a need to move away again and I know you all have that too but for me, this has become an annual thing and I hope I can find a way to make it stop. I keep worrying about things that are not yet happening or I think that they will but I know for a fact that will never or might not happen soon.

5. I also had the chance to sneak a few travels within the year - headed to Puerto Galera for the first time and enjoyed the beach and the soaked up as much sun as I could. Visited Baguio and Vigan before the year ended and pretty much that was it.

6. I made amends with a mentor that I have not spoken for a long time that for a while during the entire year I harbored negative feelings. It felt nice being able to talk about how we both felt which made me realize that I needed to work on how I should communicate.

7. I cried over during the holidays as I am reminded of what kind of Christmas I get to have knowing that dad is no longer with us. Yes, I cried feeling all alone amidst the number of people I was with and felt more alone knowing that I am the only one feeling that way. That feeling of loneliness extends over to January when I am yet again reminded that my dad will no longer be able to greet me on my birthday or the day before it - 15th.

2019 realizations

1. Be brave to accept that sometimes we all need help and that you can never go over anything - alone. You can do so by talking to a friend, or seek professional help if you felt you have mental concerns you need addressing.

2. Change is good - accept it and work your way in making things work. I moved to a new place and began practicing the art of Smudging. Smudging is one of the ways to energetically cleanse a space to invite positive energy. I did this when I first moved in and before the year ended to bring in positivity to my new place and allow myself to be lifted from all the negativity that burdens my soul.

3. Live in the now! As you know, I am a Capricorn and I tend to plan a lot and that those have to be met but sometimes random travels to the beach or to a new museum can bring about a sense of adventure to my well-planned life.

4. Introspect It's not always about you! Introspect allows you to examine and take a step back and try to understand why things happen the way they do. Before you do anything, be it posting your latest rant online, crying and feeling like a victim because you felt you have been wronged - STOP and think first. Most of what we feel are brought about the things we do and say. Give yourself time to think things through and act accordingly around it.