this is my way of being kind to myself.
i neglected myself too much.
i forgot how to love myself.
i had put you first.
and i guess now is the time.
the time to move away.

from everything that is you.

this is my way of ceasing.
ceasing to feel alive.
i know it would be hard.
but i have to.
i have to stop now.
to stop whatever it is.

this feeling that is you.

this is my way of saying goodbye.
my way of letting go.
to that last grasp of hope.
that last hold i have of you.
of this.

this madness that is you.

this is my way of starting over.
of facing life alone.
yes, it would be hard.
heck, it is damn too hard.
to pretend to be ready about this.
and damn it!
nothing ever did.

this hurt just like you.

this is my way of thought blocking.
the unconscious desires.
all there is to remember.
and all that there is to think about.
awake and asleep.
what ifs.
what had been.
what could have been.
what it was to feel like.
it actually stops here.

this memory that is you.

this is my way of getting by.
living life back to how it used to be.
to the time that there was only me.
only me to look after for.
to care about.
this is how it will end.
this is where it ends.
and where it also starts.

this life without you.

and then there is this i need remind myself:

If I can find him,
then he can find me.
If he wants to find me,
he eventually will.

id be here.
id be waiting.

this is me waiting.
for you.

12:51am march 12

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.