its exactly 4:32am, march 10.

i just got home from a wonderfulnight out with my cousins and my cousins friends and my other cousinsworkmates. we went to a club in mango and had my share of booze.

was it precognition? my statusmessage was "Emma Zhequia Madrid Bardos misses the blue conconction calledKamikazee...?"
and there i was, dancing the nightaway with friends. errr my cousins friends.

i met this girl who reminded me of mysingle mother friend back in work. she is the life of the party. everythinggoes. i like her. and as we talked i was in the influence of alcohol already,and like i am now. typing away as if all of this would be coherent when i doget up later at around 9am.

i didnt have dinner. we bought foodbut alas it was nowhere to be found when we got back to the table. poor sisigand i was in the mood to eat that. i was with my other cousin and her workmatefrom butuan. they left cause they were super hungry, like i wasnt? but i washaving fun with the crowd and i was eyeing the other workmate my cousin had whowas still with us. too bad he had the hots for the schoolmate of my othercousin. you see, i was with 3 cousins. 1 was living with me and the other 2were sisters.

my cousin who was like around 7 yearsolder than us was with her housemates/workmates. one of them was dale. who issuper hot and is super short. even under the influence of alcohol i knew hewaws shorter than me. and damn was i tooo close in kissing him. really, we allwent to my elder cousins home to make sure that they were safe. me and dalewalked together as we talked over random things. damn. was he really short likehe was shoulder-height. damn. damn. damn. and i do find him hot.

the power was still off when we gotback to their place. we walked ahead and talked about random things. like megoing abroad and him flirting with pretty girl who happens to have a boyfriendand he has a girlfriend too. the night was great. stars were bright and themoon was perfect gibbous phase. i was really this close in grabbing him by thecollar and kiss him. but i can never do that, i really cant. in my inner mindtheater i could but i can never put it to action, never can do it. really, andi find that really sucky. i didnt even noticed him when we were there prior tothe night out.


i wonder. i would really wonder whatis holding me back? i mean, i know i was in the influence but i can never dosomething beyond my limitations. never can do anything that might break anyonestrust. i would ask... am i too kind? am i too righteous? am i too much of agood thing? damn.

someday. someday. imma do it.
someday imma grab someone in thecollar and kiss him.


and really super damn. his supershort. me and my standards.


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