so where do i start? i wish i could be courageous enough to tellyou all that i feel. i wish i was smarter, wiser and stronger. they always saythat things happen for a reason. i may not know what those reasons are as ofthe moment but i am still thankful. 

so i cried. i tried to. apparently, i can'tanymore. peculiar. i used to be a cry baby. how come? where have all the tearsgone? had i grown numb? or is it me just in the state of denial

what is wrong with me? what is it that makes me dothings the way i do? what are the reasons behind the words that come out of mymouth? 

i asked. no answer. i pleaded. no reaction. icould beg. i could. maybe i should. should i ever?

this note may come off as ambiguous, it took me awhile to write everything down at least most of it. no words can encapsulatewhatever it is i am currently feeling. and i wish i knew.

you let go of something and you gain something inreturn. still thinking what it is to be gained after this. i may not understandit as of the moment but one day i will. and then id realize, all of this addsup to the reason of my existence.

i used to have this certain poem way back incollege:

entitled Butterfly

id let you go

i know you'd be back for me
and if not
then it was still nice to have met you

a part of me said to let it all go. to forgivemyself and allowed myself to give up on this. to let things happens it shouldbe and never jump to conclusions. there was also this ideas of just do allthere is to reach out and just stop when i get tired. i can't even weigh as towhere i stand and which path i took.

i realized 3 things:

1. you get different types of friends: one whosugarcoats, tell you things you wanted to hear, another is those that keeps mumcause they just don’t care and that unique kind that slaps you back to realityno matter how painful it may seem.

2. you learn to pick up the pieces of your lifeALONE. there are those that we call friends that would help you but in the end:you are the only one who know what pieces fit and which ones can be returned tothe puzzle box and leave it there til next time.

3. no matter how much you think about the thingsyou do in this world, we only got one chance to live. life is short. sometimeswe need to run naked. Whatever that means ;D

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