This was when we visited Manila Zoo. Check out my Dino ensemble! LOL

I guess I could honestly say that no family is ever perfect and mine certainly is not even close to that. Growing up, I was told that I would need to work hard for the things I wanted. Back when I asked for a Game Boy which I never got. I guess I never truly earned it at all. I did have a Brick Game once so I guess all my efforts were just tantamount to that yet I was happy regardless of the fact. I was also taught to be kind - to anyone and anything. This holds true to this day. I was also honed to be respectful of others - this goes beyond race, social status, age and any other categories man made. I was led to believe that whatever vibe I throw to the world - it will come back tenfold. I was also taught to be contented with what I have and live within our means.

Yet, sometimes it does not work that way. The world is filled with bad things - terrorism, genocides, crimes and calamities. Things I can never take control of, I mean no one truly can. People get sick and death is always cruel.

Life is precarious. Who would have thought that you will leave us sooner than what I wanted. Too early to even prove to you that I can achieve something big. 

It has been 2 years since my dad passed away and it does not make grieving process any easier. Once you loose someone - there will always that void inside you that will never cease to be empty. There will never be a time that I do not see my dad's face in the crowd. Never a day that passes when I do not think of you.

Each time I travel, I say a little prayer knowing that you are with me.
Each time I look up at the sky at night, I know you are looking down on me.
Each time I dream of you, I know it's your way of letting me know that you are fine.

I do not regret anything that I did or not do - and all the decisions I have made in my life. What I do regret is not sharing with you what my life is right now. See how I am trying my best to make it through life without you and mom in it. I want to actively play a part in this big world - be a part of a big change or start a small step that will lead to bigger things. I dream that one day, when the time is right and when I am courageous enough - I will be able to live my truth.

For now, I wish nothing but peace - for mom and myself. 
That for each day that goes by, it get's a little easier.


There are days that it just hurts a little but today it hurts so much more.

1 comment:

  1. My condolenses. I also lost my mom 5 years ago, until now I still dream of having her beside me. To make things worse, it took me two years to visit her grave. Because I am working abroad, and due to some unforseen circumstances, I was not able to bid her goodbye.

    Its hard. And it will always be.


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