epiphany

Christmas. yuletide. flickering Christmas lights in the night. 

ahh the sound of holiday cheer and the cool Christmas breeze envelopes my sole heart.

i was deemed to spend my first Christmas here. i filed for 2 day leave - on the 23rd and the 24th.

so i guess im working my ass out on Christmas day.guess it would be just like any other day there is. aside from the holiday premium and the night differential. i do hope calls we'll be low or better yet- nada. 

i don't have plans yet. what i had in mind was pizza and some red wine and a good book. ive been eyeing this book and imma buy it soon. a treat to myself.

or if someone hollers me to spend Christmas then imma go too. with red wine in hand.

as the time wore on, i have come to realize a few things:


1. i need not have friends with me to give me cheer. sometimes i had the most fun when im alone. 

2. i should have never relied on others for my own happiness. i have my own decisions and freewill to do what i need to do without the consent of others.


3. being alone was never a bad thing. i feared that i might get bored. i do. sometimes. but there are things id rather do alone than be with friends. like reading. i have always loved to read. aside from that, i get more time writing down my thoughts.

as time passes on. i realized some other things too:

1. be cautious. learn to live life alone. learn to deal with things as you wait for wounds to heal. 

2. guard your heart. never be too trusting. test the waters. check the current.

3. the worst enemies are your friends or so called friends. 

4. people remember not your face, not your status in life but how you made them feel.

5. you lose friends, not because you do not deserve them but because maybe he was just there to show leave you something to remember. you gain friends in the most unexpected ways. some never talk to you at work but can be very expressive outside the realms of the office.


6. no one knows you better than yourself.

7. we all have blind spots.mannerisms/behaviors/quirks that we are not aware of consciously. and the only people that will accept you are the only people worth keeping. 


8. there is no turning back when you cross the line of friendship. you either win or lose. yourself or the other. the feeling or the friendship.

9. we get hurt. we get mad. we fall in love. life is so much worth living if we get to feel these emotions. you can never appreciate the sweet without the bitter right?

10. and of course, life is too good to waste on negative emotions.

some days are great, some just pass without a lasting impression. some days are just like ordinary days. it is the 3rd of Christmas. why do i feel like ive grown so much?

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