tabula rasa

i am so anxious.

this week is our performance review if we get tobe regularized and all that.

whew. i hope i can. i had my share of absences andthe likes.

i am still wondering where and what id do if idon't get to be regularized.

wonder where the road will take me.

i am meeting my metrics. AHT wise i am on green, istill don't have surveys so that would be a perfect. 

and i am not an outlier as well for invalid gracecases. i get my fair share of PPI accounts too.

i dont want to expect much though, and i need notjump to conclusions as well.

my dad messaged me that i have to visit thisseaman's house here in Cebu to talk to the priest who mans the place, he wouldgive me the referral to work in AMOSUP a seaman's hospital in Mandaue. i fearthat this is not what i plan to do in the next few years. i got my thingsplanned out: have work. enroll to language class. live my passion. finallyshare a meaningful relationship with someone i can learn from. i am not readyto be a nurse. 

my mom has not been replying to me, i guess she isstill angry from me not working in the field she wanted me to be. we made anagreement to give me 3 years to do what i needed and whatever it is that iwanted in my life. and i don't understand why she has to make me feel left out.dad mentioned she was mad at me for mot coming home on her birthday. and theever dearest dad spilled the beans to my mom. and now i have to live with that.maybe one day she'd finally understand that it is not what i wanted to be. 

i have had this rant with hans and hannah beforeand between the 3 of us: hannah is the only one who wanted to pursue theprofession. it is not that i hate it, its just that it does not give me thesame fulfillment i get when i take hold of a camera or when i cook something. imiss who i was then. the person who was driven to do what she wanted and whatneeded to be done. i cant be that person anymore. i am tied up toresponsibilities. i have debts to pay. rent and food to get me by for themonth. i have not saved enough. i don't have any savings for that matter. 

god! i have so many plans and one of those is toenroll in language classes. which i am planning to. i only need to comply tothe basic requirements and finally start classes next month. i planned for thatand i asked permission from my Team Leader to transfer my schedule to ClosingShift at 3am to 12nn. my classes start at 1pm to 5pm. if i am on the Midshift10pm to 7am. i would probably be drowsy at school which is not part of myplans. i am excited in a way. having a single step ahead of the list-of-things-to-do.classes start august. :D and i cant wait for it. we are only 25 in a class andcan enroll to another language class after a month.

language class down.

photography seminar next in line. :D

what i fear the most? is not using all the time ihave here for things that i call productive. i never wanted to be leftstagnant. and i don't like not doing anything. i have so many plans and i fearthat there is never enough time for everything.

p.s i was too tired i forgot to watch the solareclipse. @.@