random thought

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your
laughter rises was oftentimes filled with yourtears...
When you are joyous, look deep into
your heart and you shall find it is only
that which has given you sorrow that is giving youjoy.
When you are sorrowful look again in
your heart, and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been
your delight. 

-- the prophet on Joy and Sorrow


i have always loved this book. 
had been my favorite.
every time i read this quote
i always get the urge to cry.

i was always unhappy,
hides away from the pain that i feel
and masks my fear and pain in laughter and smiles.
i was nothing but a pessimist,
always think that maybe it has always been myfault.
i never achieved full happiness(yet),
i get the impression that i attract bad vibesaround me -finding me in my hiding place.
i remember reading that boring book called TheSecret,
it says there that whatever you feel and thinkallows you to attract the same type of energy
and i thought "wow i understood the book allalong??"


Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reapwith thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seekhim for peace. 

-the prophet on Friendship


i value friends and id fight for them
there are times that i neglected some 
and was busy tending to only one in particular.
i am sorry for the times that i made any of themfeel:
-betrayed
-neglected
and 
-forgotten

and there are instances as well, 
of which we get impulsive and 
we can have all the lame reasons to save us fromshame and embarrassment.
the point is - friendship gets tested.
in one way or another.
some surpass the tide and some move along with theebb.
thanks to those who had been there for me
be it in presence and prayer.
to those who have been listening to my patheticissues in life
and laughed at my lamest jokes.
to those who took me for what i was
and mistook me for what i wasn't.
those who saved me
and those whom i had saved
i was a friend
i am a friend
always be a friend.
if i might have hurt you
or anything for that matter - i sincerelyapologize.
----

we do tend to get the better of ourselves.
thinking we are strong enough.
hiding in the comforts of our tears and fears.
keeping everything bottled inside.
i did.
i hid.
like today and the days that had past.
dwelling on things i should have shrugged off.
and never is healthy.
and it WAS never healthy.
i used to keep all bottled up feelings hidden.
----

everyday is a new day for me.
a decision to be happy or not.
and beginning today:

i choose to be happy.


and in the process i would be waiting
waiting for that perfect moment 
when the tables would turn
that all the pieces would fit perfectly in my life
and all the void that i had would be completed.

for now,
id wait.