masochist

sometimes i wish i was stronger. 
i wish i was able to stand up for what i believein.
i wish i was better than who i am now. 
i know i could have done better.
or at least that is what i want to think.
i wish i was courageous, to tell him what it is ifeel.
not to hide in the pretense called"friendship"
i guess im not the impulsive person i was then. 
i could be but now i hold back all that there isto say.
hiding inside myself.
too scared to take the big leap.
far too cautious of what to say and act.
i wish it wont be this hard.
but then, who am i to complain?
when in fact i enjoy it here.