Father's Day

There are days when the reminder that my dad has passed becomes truly hard for me to cope. I started receiving e-mails for Father's Day treats and deals which begs the question - is there a way you can optimize your subscriptions and tick a box saying Dad passed - stop sending Father's Day notices.

I have been wallowing on this sadness for weeks on end now and it does not truly get better. I have admitted that my life lately has become too heavy to wake up, too lazy to do anything and too anhedonic to give a damn about anything and everything right now. I would rather just stay home and sleep this feeling away because I am a great escapist. There has been a myriad of things and thoughts that I wish to escape from and I do best in escaping. Escapism behavior is a thing, look it up.

For those that share the holiday minus dad, doesn't it just suck?

Each holiday reminds you that he is gone. I remind myself that he is not coming back as I still feel that he is just away sailing just like he used to. Gone for months on end and coming back after his contract is over.

So to keep or try to keep my mental health at bay - I decided to uninstall all Social Media apps as we all know you cannot run away from people celebrating the holiday. This is one of the many reasons for my detox from Social Media and that will be an entirely separate post.

Friends posting photos with their dad. Something I cannot do anymore. No fresh memories, no new photos with him and definitely, no dad to celebrate with.

When I was young, I never cared for Father's Day. I felt that it was just an excuse for capitalists to gain more money with greeting cards, deals, and offers. But isn't it always the case? Regretting mundane holidays you should have celebrated when he was still around.

This holiday hurts too much than his death ever did. Yes, the day will pass, months will move along and time does not stand still for anyone. In the grand scheme of things, the hurt should hurt less - but it doesn't. His absence does not mean that the hurt will be gone or will start to fade away. His absence is a constant reminder that he is truly and ultimately gone.

If you are one of the lucky ones to still have a dad (whatever definition fits you), tell them you love them. Appreciate them while you still have them around, listen to their stories and try to learn from their mistakes. Find comfort in knowing that you have someone to run to, try to pick you up and tell you that everything will be okay. Sure, you will have days when you will never meet eye to eye but I will take that than having no one to fight with, no one to talk to for every waking day of my life.

The hardest days of the year for me sneaks up on you slowly, like how it does for me.

Hey Dad, I definitely miss you. When we do see each other again, be it in my dreams or wherever our lives cross I have tons of stories to share. Let's talk over coffee and you will sit across me smiling at me with your signature gap teeth. You will throw one of your dad jokes and I will laugh genuinely.

Until then.

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