Aphonia
could never keep my mouth shut,
either in person, in thought and sometimes in text messages as well…
if there is something that i really loathe about someone is that they have this tendency to make me feel rather inferior about myself…
and i hate to feel that way because i always believed that maybe i am capable of something…
i mean I HAVE TO BE right??
i mean, i have got to have something that i excel on,
aside from my sarcastic ways and out-right funny but i guess i am capable of something other than that right?
i dont know if what i want i run away from
and if what i need i dont have the slightest idea as to what?
and i am rather sure that with what i have accomplished, it rather makes me proud…
but then i am not so sure anymore as to what i have accomplished in my life for the past few years (is 21 years count as few?)
i have had my days as a “achiever” at elementary and in high school, didn’t make it to the dean’s lister in college (math had always been waterloo)…
ahh the radio bullshit, was a pseudo-dj and never got it there (full-time he says) and so what? does that indicate that he is the only authority to know what is right and what is wrong? he could say that to my face, he could rub it in me and tell me “you were never good enough”, he could burst my bubble and be soo pleased with himself…
if only you knew how much it hurt?!
how bad i feel about myself..
how little i looked at my capabilitites?!
i hate you?!
i allowed myself to be hurt by you?!
i was happy then, but then get this: i will never be a DJ and i guess i never was in the first place?!
i am pissed and i feel sad for myself:
1. i always thought that it was my outlet
2. i thought that maybe talking was really an option
3. saying sorry could make someone happy but at times it makes you feel rather sad than usual
4. talking was never as option
it never was…
id rather keep mum…
its better that way…
always works just fine for me…
and by then, i will never speak of anything regarding radio…
as of today: september 12, 2008
i officially bury Raine Robyn at the back of my mind…
4:48pm
either in person, in thought and sometimes in text messages as well…
if there is something that i really loathe about someone is that they have this tendency to make me feel rather inferior about myself…
and i hate to feel that way because i always believed that maybe i am capable of something…
i mean I HAVE TO BE right??
i mean, i have got to have something that i excel on,
aside from my sarcastic ways and out-right funny but i guess i am capable of something other than that right?
i dont know if what i want i run away fromand if what i need i dont have the slightest idea as to what?
and i am rather sure that with what i have accomplished, it rather makes me proud…
but then i am not so sure anymore as to what i have accomplished in my life for the past few years (is 21 years count as few?)
i have had my days as a “achiever” at elementary and in high school, didn’t make it to the dean’s lister in college (math had always been waterloo)…
ahh the radio bullshit, was a pseudo-dj and never got it there (full-time he says) and so what? does that indicate that he is the only authority to know what is right and what is wrong? he could say that to my face, he could rub it in me and tell me “you were never good enough”, he could burst my bubble and be soo pleased with himself…
if only you knew how much it hurt?!
how bad i feel about myself..
how little i looked at my capabilitites?!
i hate you?!
i allowed myself to be hurt by you?!
i was happy then, but then get this: i will never be a DJ and i guess i never was in the first place?!
i am pissed and i feel sad for myself:
1. i always thought that it was my outlet
2. i thought that maybe talking was really an option
3. saying sorry could make someone happy but at times it makes you feel rather sad than usual
4. talking was never as option
it never was…
id rather keep mum…
its better that way…
always works just fine for me…
and by then, i will never speak of anything regarding radio…
as of today: september 12, 2008
i officially bury Raine Robyn at the back of my mind…
4:48pm
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